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A Morbid Child With a Heart of Gold

Do You Know?

2/24/05 08:03 pm

i know i havent been on here in forever and a day, but i have an other lj...and i use that one more b/c its hwere i post all of me poetry n sterf. also, if anyone wants to know, my cuz Bethany just created an lj. if you want hersn on here its cherriefaerie2 but, its a friends only, so tell me, and i'll tell her that you wanna talk to her n sterf. *muah*

1/16/05 07:52 pm

A girl died in 1933 by a homicidal murderer. He buried her in the ground when she
was still alive. The murdered chanted, "Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now
that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of
the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was
suffocated. If you post this, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be


12/19/04 01:45 pm - I think i have the flu....

Well, i wonke up at like 1.30 this morning so congested i couldnt breathe lying down (and its really fucking hard to sleep sitting up). I wasnt hung over, i barely got nauseous (sp?)...then, around 6 i decided to eat some breakfast....bad idea...i was running a fever & threw up everything (it sucked ass). since then, ive been running a fever on and off all day and i still thorw up if i eat anything besides broth. and ive also been in and out of sleep.

i know why i got so drunk so fast last night....the meds im on for my headaches increases the affects of alochol by 2...i think i had, what....10 or so Shirmoff and a bit of wine and some Kaluha (or however the hell you spell it). i dont really remember what i did after i got home...i do remember trying to knit...and now a word from the wise: dont try to knit whe you are drunk, it looks like shit. lol. ive had to redo everthing that i did yesterday. i also found out that i called chris (which i dont remember doing...well, i thot i was dreaming....so ....yea.) also, i tried calling Sissy last night. i'm am so fucking happy that her phone was dead...she would have murdered me. i think i called Megan...but i dont know if i was dreaming or if i really did call her....i remember "My crotch looks pretty through the bottom if the bottle." and "have you been head raped lately" and of course our crazy knitting circle lol. and it was fucking hilarious when Jani's fam attacked her...i swear, if someone on the street would have heard that, the police would have been called!!

well, aside from this weekend, life has been pretty much boring. ive been studying my ass off for exams (speaking of which, momma said she might not let me go to school tomorrow...but i NEED to take my exams). also, i got to see Roni...i love her so much! and i LOVE the present she got me...and yes angie, i know know it is a sock...not a hat...lmao (next time i try to drink...shoot me...im such a fucking dumbass when im drunk!)anyway, last night i slept w/ the froggie that roni got me...oh, Jani...i think you nearly broke my finger last night when Roni and i were tickling you....i still can barely move it...i dont remember it hurting this much last night tho....well, im tired of typing and im going to go back to sleep *hugs to all*

12/7/04 06:16 pm - Tired as fuck....

i know i havent posted in forever ness, but ive been hella busy, or just too tired. even now, i can barely stay awake. but i know that if i fall asleep now, i will get up at like 2 am or something. im so tired i want to cry. i cant even work on Nate's story.....that just sad. Oh, Roni, we might get to go to Ren Fest this weekend, and (if at all possible and if you get this in time) i wanted to know if you can go to Sadie's w/ me...i have to go get a form and i want you to call me w/ a yea or nay....fuck...i just realized something...you wont be able to sign it in time *glares at everyone and everything* damn it damnit damn it damnit!!!! anyway, how has your life been? im srri the AC got killed for a bit, that must really sicked...well, imma go try to do something to help me stay awake

*hugs to all*

12/2/04 07:36 pm - This poem is beautifl, but sad. It made me cry.

Wheres The Bullet

He was gorgeous... brown hair hanging over his eyes... brown eyes a little place i could crawl inside and hide. he wore a tool shirt and i think i fell in love with his shirt before i fell in love with him. We use to sit back and talk about nothing just meaningless nothings brought on by the high and jack daniels and absent mindedness. I told him i did not love him when he asked and I think he understood even when my lips came crashing down on his and my world collapsed and the earth shook and my whole being exploded into a million shafts of light shape shifting into other realms where i was safe from life... and I died there in that instant that perfect moment. He use to weave me tales of sorrow and past pains of playing wheres the bullet with his father and hed sing and strum away at his guitar every moment his beautiful brown eyes gazing at me as if there was something there only he could see and he would make me nervous and I would look away still seeing him still seeing his images pasted into the back of my eyes. And i think i fell in love with his eyes his being and his whole existence before I fell in love with him. Seasons changed and months years and days passed.... and wed still get lost in moments of passion where neither would speak and id catch i love you firmly behind my teeth and lie because it was safe. In an instant things can change and lives can be crushed an a single instant I lost him my love the one who made my insides explode and tremble and shake and burn and melt and cast away into shafts of light, I lost him without ever admitting the love I felt due to stubborness and fear of rejection I lost him a year ago to the same game he would softly sing to me about the songs that seemed so beautiful and sorrow ful then. Wheres the bullet... I guess my angel finally found it.


11/22/04 10:59 pm - FUCKIN RIGHT!!!!!!

You are Jack the Ripper. Yours were some of the
most brutal murders recorded in history--yet
your case is still to this day unsolved. You
came from out of the fog, killed violently

11/6/04 12:01 am

i am so pissed off at jani right now. she's going on and on about how i act "superior" to others! then she tries to lecture me about me goals...im not the one that dropped out...im not the one that regularly skips school....im not the one that wants to drop out AGAIN so i can get married. maybe she wants me to be like the rest of her friends....under her thumb and bowing to her every whim. thats fucking bullshit. i serve no one! i am not a dog begging to its master, i am not a weak-willed person thats easily led. i believe what i believe and i will listen to what you have to say, but that dosent mean i have to agree. and i do not "smash down" her ideas....i listen to them, then state what i believe...since when is that wrong? oh, maybe its wrong when i'm acting "superior" to everyone (note the sarcasm). i mean, i can be a bit strong willed and i will tell someone what i think no matter what, but i still take the time to listen to others and i genuinly care....which is more than i can say about some people.

this fucking sux...i have to deal w/ a pissy nick (thank you jani for causing THAT situation), a bitchy jani, and everyone else's problms too. I wish i could just leave right now, go to hammond, get roni, and leave for ireland right this minute. things would be so much easier if that were to happen. i woudlnt have to deal with people yelling at me b/c i disagreed with what they believed.

aside from all that, its cold as fuck in here (all the windows of the house are open...). i have to do a critical essay on The Crucible by Author Miller....i have to read and annotate The Andromeda Strain in less than a month...i have the rest of my Spanish project to do (due Wednesday)...and i want to be with roni. i miss her so much its not even funny. it would rape ass if i could get to hammond right this second, knock on her door and then attack her with hugs n kisses. ive got to quite typing, i cant feel my fingers and im shivering really bad.

11/5/04 07:17 pm - *falls over laughing*

You Know You're From South Carolina When...

There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There's "dinner" and then there's "supper."

Sweet tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two.


"Backards and forwards" means, "I know everything about you."

There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 of more, except for Orangeburg which has Dairy-O.

You know that going "barefootin" is one of the great joys of life

You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

"Vacation" means going to Myrtle Beach.

Out of state friends beg you to send them fireworks

You know at least three places to get great fried chicken

You've taken a road trip to South of the Border - and it wasn't Mexico

You buy your groceries at Winn-Dixie

You know someone who works at Hooters

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from South Carolina.


You Know You're From North Carolina When...

You've gotten used to the smell of cow manure on a car trip to Raleigh.

Saying "y'all" isn't just a cute expression; it actually means something.

There are big labrador retrievers in the back of every truck.

You give directions using KFC and Waffle House as landmarks.

You still see Dale Earndheart tributes on cars.

You can't imagine life without Bojangles' sweet tea

Your annual church fundraiser always deals with bbq and potato salad

You have a sunburn from May to October

Your 'heavy winter clothing' consists of some turtleneck sweaters, a fuzzy jacket, and your daddy's boots

Your family has fried chicken once a week

You can tell the difference between cotton fields and tobacco fields while driving

One of your neighbors has a confederate flag hanging on their front porch

Those "damn yankees" are taking over your school/church/workplace/neighborhood...

You've been "properly raised", and yankees love it when they hear you say "ma'am" and "sir"

You get your carbs from biscuits, rolls, pancakes, and grits

You know the difference between a "redneck" and a "hick".

You own at least one surf shop or seafood restaurant shirts.

No matter what those people in ohio say, we are still "first in flight"

The Coca-Cola 600 is as big as the Super Bowl

You prefer Chick-fil-a to KFC

You know pastry is a chicken stew, not a dessert item.

Every time you visit someone you’re offered something to eat and a glass of tea.

Your granddaddy always wore overalls and your grandma always wore an apron.

In summer you have home-grown tomatoes with every meal.

When it rains and the creek rises, everyone gathers to see how high it rose.

You know that "chunk" the ball means to throw it.

You've had a burger "all the way" - chili and slaw on it.

You can recognize a copperhead and your heart drops when you see one.

You have at least one relative that raises collards.

Your folks have taken trips to the mountains to look at leaves.

Your school classes were cancelled because of a hurricane.

You know Krispy Kreme makes the best doughnut.

You have an opinion about UNC. You went there and loved it, or you hate everyone who did.

You know the best BBQ is found in Lexington

You would rather eat at Bojangles's than McDonald's

ou have actually uttered the phrase "It's too hot to go to the pool"

You faithfully drink Pepsi or Mt. Dew everyday of your life.

You have your own secret bbq sauce.

You or your neighbors have more hunting dogs than you have family members.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from North Carolina.

well, i found this extremely funny! everything thats blue either completely applies to me or i remember seeing this stuff when i lived in the carolinas! omg, this made me miss home sooo much, but i got a good laugh out of it too!

10/21/04 07:53 pm

We just got a call.  My Uncle Don is in ICU.  He has a 100% blockage and a 95% blockage, and they think he may have ,ung cancer.  Also, my sister's super stressed out becuase she's not making enough money to pay for her appartment and her car; the only reason why she has food is because her roomamte works at a vegan resturant.  omg, i so feel like....indulging. 

Let Them Flow Once More
scars glow white-hot
burn with remembered pain
i wish to re-open them
let them flow once more

scars sear as i look as them
as if calling me to do wrong
is it a sign that i should indulge
let them flow once more

scars become more pronounced
trying to get my attention
but its working too well....
let them flow once more

I wish that i didnt feel so upset right now.  hopefully tomorrow i will be able to go somewhere with my frineds so i can forget, even if only for a little while.  Saturday, i'm still going to the fair.  Momma said i could only bring one friend b/c we're going to ride with family...momma has night blindness...i wonder if she would let Angie drive though....i told Melissa i would see if she could go...and i'll feel bad if she dosent get to go.  am i making any scence.  I wish Roni were here. I want to be in her arms.  I want to be near her...I need her right now.

10/21/04 06:14 pm - BAD news!

I just found out that my cousin died. i found out when i got home, and i am finally calmed down enough to write about it. It's Aunt Dean & Uncle Rodger's son. I've only met him a couple of times. He was the person that drew the dragons on the poster board for me....i am so upset.....
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